Trajectory

One insisted on his innocence, the other insists on his guilt. Both determind yet with detached faraway looks, and both small men led around in cuffs on TV.
Something about the way that this footage of the JonBenet Ramsey suspect John Mark Karr, evokes a similar vibe to that of Lee Harvey Oswald in custody, has triggered something.

Memories, not just of specific events, (although certainly that)...but also memories of specific feelings, and a view of the world.

I learned the meaning of the word trajectory in the aftermath of President Kennedy's assassination. I was a little girl, 6 years old at the time. And recently I have felt like I have reentered her, mind, body, and psyche and all.

That whole time just blew my mind, as it probably did everyone's, I brought my sensibilites as a child to it. I think I always probably had a certain maturity to me even when very young..but that time probably shaped it too.

I remember feeling absolutely terrified. Just feelings of absolute terror that day. And, I didn't have the language for it, but I felt like anarchy had started and the world was completely out of control. I didn't know how to express that, and I sensed a certain impatience from the adults around me with my confusion.

I was glued to the TV. I remember even being scolded for watching the whole thing too much, but I was trying to get a handle on it. Then one day as my mother was ironing...we saw Oswald shot on live tv. It only served to reinforce my feelings that now we all could get shot at any time.
But, I remember clearly the thing that freaked me out the most, was when they showed it on the news that night, in slow motion. And the commentator pointing out how Oswald's head will appear from behind some man's shoe as he falls to the floor.

I thought it was sick. And in my mind (again without the exact language for it) I questioned the psychology of those who needed to report it and show it like that, almost more than I questioned the shooting itself. I was questioning their minds.

I have always had this kind of ablity to view myself or a situation I'm in in the 3rd person. Like I am experiencing and watching at the same time. Maybe it was what I did to a degree then.
I had to step back in a way, to soothe myself, and in my TV watching I slowly understood the idea of transition of power, and that there was some sort of system in place.
I did however, have the mistaken idea that Kennedy's funeral was what a funeral was. When they announced that Oswald's funeral was to take place later one evening I thought...."Well I guess they just take all the horses out in the dark too"
(you see I had already come to see that the world was totally absurd)

Interesting the trajectory of time and space, how it can expand and contract...